I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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