So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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