Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
