I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
