My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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