Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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