I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
