I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
