too bad you live with your parents still
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
