Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
