my mouth tastes like poor choices
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
