i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
where does the pee come out of this thing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
