Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
