I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
