Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We are two peas in an std pod
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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