I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
