Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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