yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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