She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The best revenge is premature balding
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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