guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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