Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
