i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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