I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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