i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this boner is exhausting
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
