so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
