Apparently you make a good broom.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
