how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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