I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
