So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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