she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
