i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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