Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
