They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
