phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
