I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
