I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
