I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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