I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
