youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
