did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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