i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
