I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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