Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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