And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
