Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
