We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
