Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
