last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
