Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
