Come see our sink grown plant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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