I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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