If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
