Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
