i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
