I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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