I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
