Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
