Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
