Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
