I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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