I'm really into asian looking animals
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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